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who goes with her everywhere who is called Miss Chapman.
Because Mr. Spoffard says that there is always something new
going on in the world which they did not get a chance to tell her
about at the school. So now Miss Chapman keeps telling her
instead. Because how would she know what to think about such
a new thing as a radio, for instance, if she did not have Miss
Chapman to tell her what it was, for instance. So Dorothy
spoke up and Dorothy said, What a responsibility that girl has
got on her shoulders. For instance, what if Miss Chapman told
her a radio was something to build a fire in, and she would get
cold some day and stuff it full of papers and light it. But Mr.
Spoffard told Dorothy that Miss Chapman would never make
such a mistake. Because he said that Miss Chapman came from
a very very fine old family herself and she really had a fine
brain. So Dorothy said, If she really has got such a fine brain I
bet her fine old family once had an ice man who could not be
trusted. So Mr. Spoffard and I did not pay any more attention
to Dorothy because Dorothy really does not know how to hold a
conversation.
* * *
So then I and Mr. Spoffard held a conversation all about
morals and Mr. Spoffard says he really thinks the future of
everything is between the hands of Mr. Blank the district
attorney who is the famous district attorney who is closing up
all the places in New York where they sell all of the liquor. So
Mr. Spoffard said that a few months ago, when Mr. Blank
decided he would try to get the job to be the district attorney,
he put 1,000 dollars worth of liquor down his sink. So now Mr.
Gentlemen Prefer Blondes 64
Blank says that everybody else has got to put it down their
sink. So Dorothy spoke up, and Dorothy said, If he poured
1,000 dollars worth down his sink to get himself one million
dollars worth of publicity and a good job when we pour it
down our sink, what do we get? But Mr. Spoffard is to brainy a
gentleman to answer any such a foolish question. So he gave
Dorothy a look that was full of dignity and he said he would
have to go back to his Mother. So I was really quite angry at
Dorothy. So I followed Mr. Spoffard down the hall of the
railway train and I asked Mr. Spoffard if he thought I was
wasting quite a lot of time reforming a girl like Dorothy. So Mr.
Spoffard thinks I am, because he really thinks a girl like
Dorothy will never have any reverance. So I told Mr. Spoffard I
had wasted so much time on Dorothy it would really break my
heart to be a failure. So then I had tears in my eyes. So Mr.
Spoffard is really very very sympathetic because when he saw
that I did not have any handkerchief, he took his own
handkerchief and he dried up all of my tears. So then he said
he would help me with Dorothy quite a lot and get her mind to
running on things that are more educational.
So then he said he thought that we ought to get off the train
at a place called Munich because it was very full of art, which
they call kunst in Munich, which is very, very educational. So
he said he and Dorothy and I would get off of the train in
Munich because he could send his mother right on to Vienna
with Miss Chapman, because every place always seems to look
alike to his mother anyway. So we are all going to get off the
train at Munich and I can send Mr. Eisman a telegram when
nobody is looking. Because I really do not think I will tell Mr.
Spoffard about Mr. Eisman, because, after all, their religions
are different and when two gentlemen have such different
religions they do not seem to have so much to get congeneal
about. So I can telegraph Mr. Eisman that Dorothy and I
thought we would get off the train at Munich to look at all of
the art.
So then I went back to Dorothy and I told Dorothy if she did
not have anything to say in the future to not say it. Because
even if Mr. Spoffard is a fine old family and even if he is very
Prespyterian, I and he could really be friendly after all and talk
Gentlemen Prefer Blondes 65
together quite a lot. I mean Mr. Spoffard likes to talk about
himself quite a lot, so I said to Dorothy it really shows that,
after all, he is just like any other gentleman. But Dorothy said
she would demand more proof than that. So Dorothy says she
thinks that maybe I might become quite friendly with Mr.
Spoffard and especially with his mother because she thinks his
mother and I have quite a lot that is common, but she says, if I
ever bump into Miss Chapman, she thinks I will come to a
kropper because Dorothy saw Miss Chapman when she was at
luncheon and Dorothy says Miss Chapman is the kind of a girl
that wears a collar and a tie even when she is not on horseback.
And Dorothy said it was the look that Miss Chapman gave her
at luncheon that really gave her the idea about the ice man. So
Dorothy says she thinks Miss Chapman has got 3 thirds of the
brains of that trio of Geegans, because Geegans is the slang
word that Dorothy has thought up to use on people who are
society people. Because Dorothy says she thinks any gentleman
with Mr. Spoffards brains had ought to spend his time putting
nickels into an electric piano, but I did not even bother to talk
back at such a girl as Dorothy. So now we must get ready to get
off the train when the train gets to Munich so that we can look
at all of the kunst in Munich.
May 19th:
Well yesterday Mr. Spoffard and I and Dorothy got off the
train at Munich to see all of the kunst in Munich, but you only
call it Munich when you are on the train because as soon as you
get off of the train they seem to call it Munchen. So you really
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